The unbearable mirror of seeing is being refracted back to me as a theme so much. Constellation work reveals the fields at work in our lives. It supports the undoing of ties to previous experiences, inter-generational inheritances and holding programmes that are set in the archetypal layers. One of the areas I have been noticing arising a lot both in sessions and in my own life at the moment, is the projection of forms onto others. This is the work of the unbearable mirror of seeing! (Paraphrased of course from Milan Kundera's rather brilliant book and its title 'The unbearable lightness of being').
The unbearable mirror of seeing is the place where something that doesn't want to be seen will deflect somewhere else. Our lives can become a theatre of projections where we find ourselves taking a mirrored role in someone else's play. What we become is related to what another doesn't want to look at.
For the last ten years I have been working in training groups with a module of the Drama Project. I get the course people to look at themes running in their lives at this time, set an intention for what they would like to see change and then provide them with a tool box of practices to apply. One of my favourite tasks is to read the Drama reports later and see the incredible changing of living scripts and the levels of awareness that surface for everyone.
Stepping back and watching; coming into the senses and finding presence within self; setting clear boundaries for expectations; working with a shamanic model of Karpman's Victim/Perpetrator/Rescuer triangle; working with protector guides and pillars of listening - these are just some of the items in the tool kit. All of these have been powerful applications that have enabled people to be able to remove themselves from playing a role from the too unbearable to be seen mirrored scripts of others and in turn, relieve others from playing a part in their own!
It is only at this stage of reaching a clear space of presence that the mirrored theatre can then be explored. This is where the constellation work comes in so handy! What I have found over the years is that in order to reveal itself, the more knowledge that a compassionate, non-judgmental, fair and well-resourced space is being held, then the more likely the unbearable to be seen can feel safe to reveal itself. The wholeness template, informed by a range of spiritual and counselling models that prioritise compassion and unconditional positive regard can provide a lot of resourcing. Its emphasis on inclusion, on making room for a communication system that goes beyond the everyday and its application of intuition as a main guiding force brings extra power as well as enabling trust in truth and fairness for that which fears exposure.
So, what are some of the ways that the unbearable mirror of seeing can play out?
Here are some I am noticing showing up:
Cut off of communication
Projection of shame, blame, disgust, unkindness, fear, nastiness, anger
Experience of being scapegoated
Being excluded
Feelings of invisibility
Being silenced
Being misunderstood
The list can go on but you get the picture! It can feel lonely and exasperating to be in these places within groups, workplaces, families or relationships. Bringing in the knowledge of the unbearable mirror of seeing can soothe a feeling of madness or deep anger in a flash!
In the world at large, extra whipped up by media, the effects of this can be of tidal wave proportions. If someone operates this mirror and is also backed up by a position of power and has accessed a platform for airing and giving license to any of the above, then their mirror will naturally tap into a whole network of other held up unbearable mirrors of seeing.
I carry deep hope about this work being able to go out there into so many places to unlock scripts, free family trauma, take down tyrants and undo layers of hierarchical and empirical structures. The beauty of it is that it isn't a model that operates through anger and sets more anger raging. It makes a place for anger but has presence, compassion, fairness and truth speaking at its core.
I am writing this after spending the last 4 weeks working with lots of classes and practitioner training sessions in person and online. In almost every one of them people have been telling me about how clearly they can see something playing out or we have bumped into something and seen deep and insidious hidden material be able to be freed. We have seen perpetrators as well as victims take a place with their families beyond the story. Everyone needs to have a place, but the story needs to be seen. Sometimes our own lives or the lives of our ancestors have places where we have been so much less than kind. Unless that can be brought to the surface and given a space with non-judgment, then it will travel through the lines like a hot potato and the mirrors will go up. We can't be a harmonious system unless all is revealed and there is a place where we can still love ourselves, someone we know or an ancestor as well as let accountability and all the emotions and qualities like guilt, regret, suffering, blame, despair, angst, anger, denial, delusion and terror have their place.
I truly believe that the original theatres worked with the knowledge of all of this. They were healing templates for sacred story telling that could bring archetypal forces into balance and appeasement. All of the shamanic cultures tell the same stories about this.
Constellation work is in truth sacred drama work. Today there is so much scope to release the idea that theatre and film are about producing stars to feed a nation. I hold the vision of bringing in agency within story makers and actors to promote this kind of art as the intrinsic healing medium and gift that it truly is. We can begin then to more effectively reveal these mirrors through performance and film. I am hearing Hamlet here 'The play's the thing wherein I will capture the conscience of the King!'
I often reach out to the ones who remind me that compassion is the most important quality to bring to bear when we approach the healing of humanity and a rebalancing for our planet. Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron, Eileen Caddy, trees, mountains, stones, weather and Marshall Rosenberg are some of them. This takes me back into remembering what is beautiful and available to me in the heart of humanity. Writing courses I am continually guided by the kindness of my spirit helpers and the spirits of the earth on how to excavate new or ancient templates for healing. I am reminded day by day of the most amazing hearts and souls that work with compassion because I work with these people and uncover the mirrors with them.
And then, day by day I become a little bit braver and even more resourced to be able to open windows to what has been too fearful to be seen in myself and what I have inherited and built on in the kaleidoscope of my perception.
Kindness and compassion are the qualities for creating healing containers. Truth revealing and clear future finding is the aim. Armed with robust space, a clear methodology and compassion, the unbearable mirrors of being are wise projectors waiting for us to find them and help us to free ourselves.
Blessings for the uprise of clear perception!
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